Saturday, 26 April 2014

The Advantages of Old Age

You don't need a sarcastic blogger to enlighten you on the many negatives associated with old age. Despite enduring illness and losing your friends to disease, there are a few positives. By drawing your attention to them, I'm hoping we can all incorporate some of the better aspects of aging into our technologically advanced existences.

Prescription Drugs are Encouraged
I shall state that as far as drugs go, I have no idea. I've never even smoked a cigarette. But the idea of medical practitioners recommending you drug yourself up on a regular basis sounds delightfully intriguing. It seems like the perfect way to combine a mid-life crisis with a big “go get 'em, Tiger!” from your doctor. I doubt a medical professional would feel the need to tell an elderly patient not to hit up a club after taking their meds.

You Can Always be Overdressed
I often wish I lived in an era where gloves were an essential part of a woman's outfit. Being old means that it's adorable to wear a broach, hat, gloves and Italian leather shoes just to grab coffee. If you make similar sartorial choices when you're 24, people assume you'd like to be a hipster but have no idea of how to go about it.

You're Treated Like Royalty at a Cosmetic Counter
One of my favourite things about Christmas is observing the well-meaning but confused elderly men at the cosmetic counter of a department store. Whether they're seeking a gift for their wife, daughter, granddaughter or assistant, they have no idea and it's the cutest thing in the world. It's a little sad when the sales staff pounce on them like they're free Lady Gaga tickets but at least they cater to the man's every whim.

Baked Goods – Every. Single. Event.
Sunday mass? Marge's 70th birthday? Tuesday bowls sesh? Little cupcakes and slices are everywhere. Sure, you may have to pitch in and whip something up from time to time but if you're an aging social butterfly, the ladies at bingo will bake for you more than you bake for them. Just don't get caught using a packet mix or you'll be removed from the guest list of the next bridge afternoon.

Book Club
Am I the only one who believes book club is a thinly veiled excuse to drink wine at 10am with your girlfriends? Surely I can't be the only person who spends their Monday morning wishing she was attending a bottomless brunch. The addition of books, doilies and Beryl's charming young grandson only add to the allure of such an event.


Depending on your circumstances, there are many more alluring aspects to aging such as grandchildren, travelling and determining whether or not you can pull off a pink rinse when your hair turns white. I think that at the very least, we should celebrate elderly life for one weekend a year. The concept of spending an entire weekend dressed immaculately while eating baked goods and drinking gin from a coffee cup sounds rather appealing. Or is that just me?

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