Monday, 10 March 2014

The A - Z of Millennial Ridicule

ADD Generation – We find it hard to focus on one activity for extended periods because we spend the majority of our time multitasking. This complaint relates to singular tasks as well as employment, relationships and living arrangements.

Boredom – Boomers & Gen Xs love to say that we get bored easily. Back in their day, they could spend an entire afternoon throwing a ball against a brick wall. Yawn.

Children – We may have jobs and houses but many of us still spend our spare time playing Playstation. Professional Gamer is a thing now. Deal with it.

Duck face – Touché. Not our finest move.

Economics – Many say we don't have our priorities in order because as a generation, we are less motivated to purchase real estate. We find the share market or travel to be more appealing ways to spend big.

Forget About It – A survey conducted by Trending Machine showed that Millennials were more likely to forget what day it was or where they left their keys than people over 55.

Gay marriage – We are the generation most dedicated to its legalisation. Some peeps see this as a problem. No words can describe their stupidity.

Hashtags – For everyone whining about Millennials not knowing what # is actually called, calm down. This problem solely affects Gen Zs who have not yet been called up to defend their every move. Be patient, soon they'll all be old enough for toilet training and it'll be socially acceptable to crucify them.

ido-hickies – Apparently no gadget is good enough for us unless it has this ingenuous lowercase letter placed before it.

Jeans – It doesn't matter if they're saggy or skinny jeans both have drawn criticism. Perhaps we should reinvent ourselves as the 'no pants' generation.

Kardashians – Obama said Kim & Kanye were teaching us that the definition of success was going on lavish holidays and owning expensive shiny things. We're the most educated generation so far – whether we watch the Kardashians or not, the majority of us know we don't want to be them.

Laziness – One of our most widely criticised traits. Personally, I find it absurd that an entire generation can be lazy. How would any member of our generation finish school, obtain a driver's license or seek employment if we were all lazy?

Me – The only person we are said to care about. Somehow, critics have the audacity to claim this while simultaneously acknowledging we're more accepting of cultural diversity than previous generations.

Negativity – Our parents taught us to study hard so we can be whatever we want. Then we entered the workforce during the GFC and realised we were fed bullshit. Wouldn't anyone be negative after that?

Over privileged – Our grandparents claim that we were given everything we ever wanted during childhood so these days, we take it all for granted. We certainly haven't worked hard for anything. Someone just handed us degrees, salaries, houses and cars.

Praise Junkies – Older employers claim that Millennials require too much praise and reassurance to get the job done. You have yourselves to thank for giving us participation medals and nurturing our egos.

Quick to judge – Previous generations believe we think they're fools and have no time for them or their experience. Boomers, we are aware of your life skills and wisdom – most of us were raised by you guys.

Returning to the nest – Would the older generations prefer us to purchase houses we can't afford and create a sub-prime mortgage crisis? Oh wait, they already did that which warrants generation labels like “peter pan” and “boomerang” unnecessary.

Selfies – Sure, it's narcissistic. As if any other generation hasn't been in love with themselves at some point. In our defence, Obama does it too.

Technology – There's no doubt we're the original tech savvy generation. The next time older generations want to complain about our love for all things electronic, they should try lasting a week without email.

Unrealistic – Baby Boomer employers claim that Millennials enter job interviews with unrealistic expectations of salary, working hours and progression. Would you prefer to spend your money on employees who aren't dedicated to working hard in order to obtain higher remuneration?

Vintage – When we attempt to embrace trends from previous generation's popular culture, we're scoffed at for dressing as though we live on the street and listening to music our grandparents liked.

Why me? – We have nothing better to do than sit around complaining all day. Please note: Our critics have so many complaints about Millennials that I'm able to list them in an A – Z format.

X Rated – Baby Boomers claim that we are over sexualised when it comes to our clothing and open behaviours. Do we really need to remind them who invented Playboy?

Young & Dumb – Regardless of the many advancements we've contributed to society, our critics still brush us off as inexperienced. This is by far, the most condescending and frustrating argument I come across in my daily life.

Zombies – Sure, we ride public transport with blank expressions and headphones. We may or may not have mastered the ability to walk while looking at our phones and not run into anything. Other generations could hi-five us for these achievements but instead they label us zombies.

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