Thursday, 27 February 2014

Epic Pick Up Fails

Whether it's a line, romantic gesture or interpretive dance, some attempts to pick up go way beyond the realm of reasonable behaviour. After a rather embarrassing encounter today, I have been inspired to share some of the more hilarious and questionable attempts my friends and I have experienced. In the interest of preventing death by embarrassment, identities have remained anonymous.

Two girls are walking down the street, it's nearly dark. A car drives past, then turns around and drives back the other way. While passing, the driver slows down and yells out, “hey puss!” I don't know where this guy ended up in life but I'm pretty sure he's still single.

A boy and girl meet in a club. She tries to ask him something but he can't hear what she's saying. The girl pulls her phone out and types a message to the boy – something along the lines of, “Come home with me.” He found it impossible to reject such eloquence.

A few guys were standing at a bar. Two girls walk up to be served. One of the guys begins attempting to communicate with the girls using sign language. His friend explains that he's deaf but can lip read. He asks the girls to dance with him and the girls politely oblige. When the song is over, the girls go to leave but the boy begins to speak. He was faking the entire time... much like any girl who has ever slept with him, I'm sure.

A group of girls hire a male topless waiter for a hen’s night. Throughout the evening, one of the attendees discovers that she works with the waiter's father. The girl and the waiter's father both become the butt of a few harmless jokes. The name 'Pimp Daddy' is thrown around. The father's boss attempts to put in a good word for the waiter and asks if she'd like his number. If he didn't ask his father's boss to help him pick up, or take his clothes off for a living she would have considered it.

And finally, my favourite: A guy travels from Ireland to Australia to stay for a year. While here, he meets a girl. They have a casual, no strings attached relationship which both parties claim to be comfortable with. The guy's year finishes and he returns home to a small town in Ireland. A couple of weeks later, his friends are at the local pub when they're approached by an Australian girl. She travelled half way around the world to perform a Love Actually-style romantic gesture. The guy spends the next few days hiding out, avoiding her at all costs. He hopes the girl returns home but years later, may still fear her peeking through his bathroom window.

Please let the record show that I, Kirra Jarman, have no game. I'm not the type of person to give advice on this kind of thing. All I can say is that nobody wins from these outrageous attempts to get someone’s attention. Personally, I’m hoping for a revival of the old school napkin move. If I was at lunch and someone gave me a napkin with a compliment and their number written on it, I'd be happy. There's no need to pretend you have a disability or get your father's boss involved in the persuit.

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