Thursday, 16 January 2014

The Dos & Don'ts of Living Alone

DO enjoy it, life is what you make it. Own the fact that you're independent and can do absolutely anything you want in your own home. There's no bitchy housemate telling you that you can't set your methlab up in the lounge room because it's blocking her view of the TV (I'm totally joking, by the way).

DON'T get a loft bed. Trust me on this one. Yes, they're fun most of the time and super practical for small spaces. The issue is, it sucks when you come home from a day of champagne at the polo and fall while attempting to climb the ladder. It's even worse when you wake up on the floor but find your phone charging on top of your bed. How did you get up there the first time? Why did you climb down again? Why don't you have a housemate to get you coffee and aspirin?

DO get a pet. Personally, I'm a cat lover. In rebuttal to the crazy cat lady image you're conjuring in your mind, I got my cat before I lived on my own. People tend to forget that Holly Golightly – the most stylish and glamourous fictional character of the 20th century – lived alone with a cat. It's just nice to have something to go home to.

DON'T live in a creepy-arse neighbourhood. Or do, it depends on how tough you are. My apartment is great, it's in one of those regular buildings situated in quite a nice area so there's better places to break into than mine. Also, I seem to have a bit of a rapport going on with the local creepers. I don't know how it happened but they're nice to me. At least I'll know the people who attempt to break in and murder me.

DO sleep with your Macbook. Not sharing a bed with someone means that if you can't sleep, you can use it without worrying about waking up your partner. I'm actually writing this in the middle of the night, laying sideways across my bed. It's strangely liberating.

DON'T forget to buy toilet paper. Thankfully, I'm not speaking from experience here but it's one of my biggest fears.

DO give your friend a spare key. Not only is this obvious and practical, but you can also experience that Seinfeld episode in real life. You may feel the need to give them a ring with 50 keys on it. Please, just remember that Kramer was a comedic mastermind and you may not be able to pull that move off. Don't beat yourself up about it.

DON'T hate your neighbours. They will be the ones to call an ambulance when you get stabbed during a burglary. In my experience, they're also good for putting your bin out and checking your mailbox. Sadly, I'm yet to steal wifi from anyone in my building.

DO buy a very small lounge. The less time you spend laying down watching TV, the more time you'll spend outside exercising... or drinking with friends. Either way, you're winning. Owning a super comfortable lounge is like owning a deep fryer – I imagine it would be great to start with but eventually, you'll have no reason to leave your home.

DON'T lose track of expiry dates. I used to buy lots of milk and yoghurt until I realised that I don't actually consume a great deal of it, even though I have it everyday. Now I buy the smallest quantities I can find because I'm not responsible enough manage that 'food safety' situation.

DO know a way to break into your house. If you leave your keys somewhere and feel like going home at 5am, the friend with your spare key won't be in the mood to drive to your house. Weather you have to squeeze through the bathroom window, scale your third floor balcony or hire an EWP to access your bedroom, have a Plan B.

DON'T rely on other people! Have a secure job and manage your finances properly. Also, learn how to fix things yourself. Thanks to youtube how-to vids, you can fix nearly anything on your own. There's no worse feeling than being the girl who needs boys to do everything for her. There's also no better feeling than nailing it on your own.

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