Sunday, 6 October 2013

Twelve Life Lessons I Learnt From Clueless


We've all seen it at least once. Weather or not you can admit to yourself that you love it is a different story but no one can deny the hilarious quotes and ground breaking fashion that pioneered the post-grunge trends of the late 90s. Clueless may not be right up there with the Macquarie Dictionary when it comes to educational value but there's a few gems in there that everyone should be aware of.

If it's a concussion, you have to keep her concious, okay? Ask her questions.”
Even if you didn't like the storyline, you got yourself some free first aid training when Tai took a clog to the head at the Val party. I also have to give credit to Heath Ledger and 10 Things I Hate About You for reiterating this valuable lesson four years later.

In some parts of the universe – maybe not in contempo-casual – but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.”
I will admit that I'm not the most informed person when it comes to current events but thanks to Josh's post-adolescent idealistic phase, I often get the desire to check out the ninemsn news page before I head to the celebrity gossip site (no need to judge me, I already loath myself for this addiction). At least it's not Ren & Stimpy.

On top of everything else, I had the driving test so I had to find my most capable looking ensemble.”
Dress for success people! Make sure your white collarless shirt from Fred Segal isn't at the dry cleaners the next time you have an important business meeting. You don't want to be stuck wearing a baby blue miniskirt and white over the knee socks.

What the man needs is a good, healthy boinkfest.”
I'm certainly not encouraging my readers to turn to a life of sex addiction but I do agree that sometimes, you just need to release some built up tension. No one wants to end up as grumpy as Mr Hall is before he hooks up with Miss Geist.

Legs crossed towards each other – that's an unequivocal sex invite.”
Obviously, you're able to face someone while your legs are crossed without your body language screaming “BONE ME!”. However, I am still painfully aware of this quote every time I realise I have my legs crossed in public. Then I hope the person they were facing doesn't remember every word from the movie. I usually have to pretend my face isn't red too.

It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties but it is quite another to be fried all day.”
Although I've never actually been stoned, Cher always pops into my head when I feel like having a quiet drink on a week night. I may or may not have her to thank for never developing a substance abuse problem.

'Tis a far better thing doing stuff for other people.”
If Cher didn't read that book in ninth grade, I may not have a conscience today. Even though it's not completely selfless, I do enjoy doing good deeds when I feel crap about myself. It's the easiest way to feel better.

She's a full on Monet.”
From far away it's ok but up close it's a big old mess! Amber is a constant reminder that stealing Cher's dress out of the laundry and wearing it to a party will not fix your ugly face. I have a hunch you're thinking of a Monet you know right now.

Actually, going all the way is like, a really big decision. I can't believe I was so capricious about it.”
Thanks to Cher's epic fail with a gay boy named Christian, I learned at the tender age of five that losing your virginity was, like, a big thing. Even if I didn't know what virginity was then. I can confirm that when the time came, I remembered these words and they served me well.

Count to 100. Thank you.”
When mugging Cher in Sun Valley, the mugger has the decency to say thank you after stealing her phone, purse and forcing her to ruin her dress. If this crack head can use manners, there is absolutely no reason for anyone else to forget them... somehow, I still do though.

Why am I even listening to you? You're a virgin who can't drive.”
I guess younger people learnt this from the cinematic masterpiece of Mean Girls but for us 90's kids, Tai's brutal burn was a lesson that words can hurt and you should choose them wisely. If not, you will be in total agony for a week before making up with your bestie at a skateboarding competition.

I am majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh. Now I don't know how to act around him.”
This quote has literally stunted my social growth. If I decide I like a boy, I can't talk to him in person unless I'm drunk. It's not as bad as Raj from Big Bang Theory but I blush and I can't think of anything to say. Having said that, I usually blush at least four times a day for other reasons so what's one more, right?

Now if I can trouble you to think back to Cher's debate over Haitian asylum seekers:

And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty!

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